For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
