i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
