having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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