I think I died a long time ago.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
