If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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