Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
