I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
