I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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