marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
