I checked into jail on foursquare
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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