Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
