Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
