im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
