so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Apparently you make a good broom.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
pray to the hookup gods
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
