my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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