i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
did i just pee glitter
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
