laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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