Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
