Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
