This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
