I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
