all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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