I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
