WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
