I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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