cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
