enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
