im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
