i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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