what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
