It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
