I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
