Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
