I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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