My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize