fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
