Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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