I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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