I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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