is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
