The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
