I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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