I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
