Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
