I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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