i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize