Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
