I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
