You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
