I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
