Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
