WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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