I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
