someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think i have two assholes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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