I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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