its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
