the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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