my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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