I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
