Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
