It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
