the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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