It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We left the knife in your bed.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
