I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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