i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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