He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
