ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
